Are You Honey or Vinegar? « Date Camp
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Are You Honey or Vinegar?

By Tracy Fagan, Contributing Author

 

You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.  If you found your way to DateCamp.tv you are looking to attract someone special.  A truly happy person will attract higher-quality potential mates than an unhappy and judgmental person.

41 Heather & FordWhile going through the dating process, we spend our time opening ourselves up to new people.  When things don’t turn out the way we’d like, it’s easy to become judgmental of what the other person does or believes.  Rushing to judgment and making others wrong is a very quick way to jump into a victim role – which is a powerless, bitter and unhappy place to be.  That’s not you, so why go there?

How does one stay happy while navigating the ups and downs of the dating journey?  One of the keys is to focus on your choices and not add an emotional charge or extreme reaction to a situation.  Here is an example:

The Set-Up

A man meets a woman through a local singles hiking club.  He finds her very interesting and pretty.  He assumes she is single since she says “yes” when asked out.  They hit it off and proceed to have two more dates.  The man feels like he’s falling for this woman.  Toward the middle of the third date, he starts to question her marital status.  He asks her if she’s married, and learns that she is, in fact, still married and not even separated.

The Vinegar Response

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“WHAT!  Are you kidding me?  You’re such a lying piece of trash!  How can you deceive me like that?  Why were you even at the SINGLES hiking club?!  All women are just out to take advantage of men.  There are no decent women left.”

The Honey Response

“Wow!  Okay.  I am a bit shocked, but I need to tell you, I don’t date married women.  I feel hurt and deceived, but I know that your decision to date while married is your business.  This is not a direct reflection of who I am as a man.  I choose to end this relationship now.”

Keep in mind that the responses above count as a reflection of one’s level of emotional charge no matter where they are shared – with the woman directly, to any of the man’s close friends, or even as the internal dialogue that goes on in his head.  Notice how the “vinegar” response judges not only this specific woman, but leads to judging all women.  This man puts himself in a place of losing – and “since all women are out to take advantage of men” he is setting things up for failure with the next lucky lady.  The “honey” response on the other hand just lets the situation stand, and he chooses to walk away – literally and figuratively.

So the best way to stay happy while navigating the dating world is to know your boundaries and make choices that honor and respect those boundaries without judging others for their choices.  By increasing your happiness, you choose to increase the amount of qualified dates into your dating experience.

Tracy FaganTracy Fagan is a Certified Life Coach who works with people to remove the blocks that hold them in the pattern of broken relationships.  She is committed to challenging herself and others to live life to the fullest.  Tracy can be reached at Coach@DatingSurvivalInfo.com.

 

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